I took the Delphi admonition to "KNOW THYSELF" and ran with it. I can't honestly say that I know myself thoroughly: humans have a tendancy to lie to themselves, especially about their darker or unflattering parts. I know myself well enough to acknoledge that I don't have a shred of altruism in me. Everything I do benefits me in some way- it'd be hypocrisy to deny that. I also acknowledge that I choose to be a good person, and I choose to be good because I've never been in a situation where committing an evil act is worth what it would cost me. That isn't flattering, but it is true. 

Back in late December and early January, my little corner of Oregon had some incredibly un-Oregon-y weather. We had snow and ice and downed trees all over the place. The crack of branches breaking at night echoed through our neighborhood. Many trees here have died from the cold or the weight of the ice.
This story is about one tree in particular. This little guy was oh, maybe six feet tall. During the weird winter weather, it had been bent over by the weight of the ice until the topmost foot of it was laying on the ground. As the year progressed and spring began to sprung, I watched that little cherry tree for signs of life. All of the trees around it burst into bloom last week, but that poor lil' guy didn't. I waited, and hoped, and waited, and checked it, and waited, until today. On a tiny little branch at the tiny little top of the tiny little tree was a teensy, tiny little bud. I whooped and hollered and ran in circles around the tree yelling "Way to go, little guy! Blossom like you've never blossomed before!!"
It was about that time the owner of the yard that tree was planted in came out to see what the crazy lady was yelling about. In short, I made a new friend today...lol.

Exactly what I'm doing now. I'm lucky that way. :)

Sheer economy. My desk doubles as a footboard for my bed, which is by my file cabinet/ nightstand. My bookcase works triple duty by also being used as my clothespress and a display stand. My crafting stuff is stored with my dried herbs (keeps bugs away from the delicious yarn and cloth), and my easel often does double time as a place to hang clothes to dry. My apartment isn't all that big, everything needs to fill more than one function...lol.

 I've found my path again. I always know when I'm on my path because even though there are the occational potholes, all of my necessities are taken care of. I have enough money to cover all of my neccessities and even some luxuries. My housing is stable, my health improving, and my friendships deepening. No, things are not perfect, but they're as close as they can get.
 Two years ago, I gave up on trying to pursue a "normal" career. You know, some sort of desk job with benefits and a whole string of bosses and a corporate environment or whatever. I finally realized that, even though that kind of job is more stable, I'd much rather be self-employed. I'd rather make things that enrich lives, and I'd really like to make them from clay and metal. So, after taking into account all of the things I'd love to do and all of the things I want to do, and all of the things I won't or can't do, I finally settled on becoming a sales gallery owner and renting studio space and equipment to artists as well. This way, I can realistically amke enough money to live on, pursue my dreams, give back to my community a little, and, best of all, encourage artists to reach for the sky, forever Icarus and Icarus forever.

Stop.
Joyful motion ceased.
Stillness pervades.
I am we.
A momentary lapse into being.
We pause.
Remember to breathe.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Catch our breath
to move again.

Ceramics. Wheelthrowing or handbuilding or both... doesn't matter. As long as I have clay between my fingers, I'm happy. There is something so fundamentally satisfying in throwing a bowl or making a tray or even a little figurine to hollow into a soap dish. Knowing that the thing I'm making right now will be put to good use in less than a month is just exhilerating for me. I love it. Every single second of it.

I am a tool-using monkey. If I don't have the tool I need, I make it. Then I use it. Then I hone the idea behind the tool, make another, and use that one. I do this in almost every part of my life... it's almost silly how often I pull out some new gadget or use something in a way it probably was never meant to be used. But I come from a long line of inventors and scientists (someday I'll write about Grampa and the chickens), so I guess it makes sense that I have an inherent curiosity about the capabilities of every object around me and enough idiocy to try out my new idea...lol. I've gotten more scars that way!